There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
