so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
