we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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