Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
