she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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