Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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