If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
