ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
