What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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