i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
