so explain again why im purple
no
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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