i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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