I wanna bring you to show and tell
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
