Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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