I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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