dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
