Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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