I'm really into asian looking animals
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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