Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
