careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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