just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
