hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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