I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
