You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
