I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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