Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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