I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
