One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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