At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
