i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
