she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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