Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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