That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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