How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
