you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
