Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
