the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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