Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
