How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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