I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
