I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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