Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
