Pappa wants mamma naked
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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