the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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