he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
