please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
