i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
