Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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