He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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