smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
