Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
