i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
